![]() ![]() In one study, each monkey was alone with two “surrogate mothers”: one made of wire, which dispensed milk, and the other made of terry cloth, which did not. In a series of experiments, Harlow, a University of Wisconsin psychologist, separated baby rhesus monkeys from their mothers and placed them in cages. His big idea-that the quality of a mother’s care would essentially predict her infant’s future well-being- built on another famous line of research that started the same decade: Harry Harlow’s monkey studies. In the 1950s, the psychologist John Bowlby proposed the term attachment to describe the bond between infants and their mothers (fathers weren’t considered particularly relevant at the time). Y ou can’t really blame people for misunderstanding attachment theory, given how significantly it’s evolved since its conception. Read: I gave myself three months to change my personality ![]() So Arriaga could give her concerned students good news: Attachment style isn’t destiny. Perhaps most important, you can take steps to change it. ![]() Your attachment style is not so much a fixed category you fall into, like an astrology sign, but rather a tendency that can vary among different relationships and, in turn, is continuously shaped by those relationships. The reality of the theory is more complex than that. (More recently, some researchers have argued there is a fourth style: “disorganized,” a combination of anxious and avoidant.) The common misconception is that one’s style is set in stone during childhood, determined by connections with early caregivers, and doomed to play out in every relationship thereafter. The theory posits that there are three main attachment styles: securely attached people are trusting, and believe that others are generally worthy of trust anxiously attached people long for closeness but are paranoid that others will hurt them, and are thus preoccupied with validation avoidantly attached people, driven by the same fear of abandonment, keep others at arm’s length. These students were likely misinterpreting attachment theory in a way that experts told me they see all the time. Some would approach her after class and ask: “Is there any hope for me?” When she explained how avoidantly attached people might feel overwhelmed by emotional intimacy, other students seemed so uncomfortable that they physically shrank back. “I could just see in their face: I’m so screwed,” Arriaga told me. When she described how people who are anxiously attached can sometimes be demanding and vigilant-and that can drive their partners away-certain students looked disturbed. OL5119564W Page-progression lr Page_number_confidence 90.52 Pages 234 Partner Innodata Pdf_module_version 0.0.20 Ppi 360 Rcs_key 24143 Republisher_date 20230210122020 Republisher_operator Republisher_time 226 Scandate 20230206105343 Scanner Scanningcenter cebu Scribe3_search_catalog isbn Scribe3_search_id 9781909425415 Tts_version 5.T he panic set in at the same point every semester: Whenever Ximena Arriaga, a psychology professor at Purdue University, got to attachment theory in her course on close relationships, the classroom grew tense. Access-restricted-item true Addeddate 08:28:42 Autocrop_version 0.0.14_books-20220331-0.2 Bookplateleaf 0006 Boxid IA40844202 Camera USB PTP Class Camera Collection_set printdisabled External-identifier
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